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broken.
ruohan feels so.. unloved.
i hate sleepless nights. cos when i feel very awake, and no matter how i tell myself that i should feel tired cos i havent been sleeping alot recently, i'm still wide awake. and whenever i'm wide awake and with nothing to do, i'll start to reminisced about the past and the present. and many unhappy pasts will flood my mind, but now even the present is killing me. and i'm feeling so.. uber awake now, that those stupid stuff indeed flooded me. =
i've nothing, nothing to do at all. i'm beginning to regret not going to maddie's house to ton with shu hui and shi han, cos maybe if i'm there, i'll feel blessed with my friends surrounding me, instead of sitting alone in front of the computer, with nothing better to do that i've to blog twice a day. pathetic.
and now i only have charles to entertain me in msn. charles is this online friend from long ago. we kind of lost contact for so long then he suddenly messaged me in msn to chat, i guess he is feeling bored too. while Mr Loh is damn cruel, cos i was feeling damn bored but he totally ignored my cry for some entertainment by telling me to wait and then he suddenly disappeared, cruel! now, even charles has gone off, hais, i'm BORED TO THE CORE.
"it's like once you've been hurt, you're scared to get attached again. like you've this fear every person you start to fall for is going to break your heart.."
i wrote this quote in my last entry, and i feel that it is so true.. i dont understand why each time i get into a relationship with someone, the ending is bound to hurt alot. but now, even when i'm not in a relationship, i'm hurting. maybe i should just numb my heart, lock it up and bury it deep inside, shouldnt i..?
sick of crying..
tired of trying..
yea i'm smiling..
but inside i'm..
dying.
yours truly ;