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-emo entry alert-
i cannot take it anymore.
i'm about to be bored to death.
i want to go out please. ):
all plans were ruined and i'm like stuck at home.
should have just gone to tanning with my batmaine,
now i'm like stuck at home, facing the com since i woke up,
watching every show i could think of in webbies,
& rot.
i'm like going crazy!!!
anyone, just date me out please.
omfg.
i'm going to die from boredommmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm．
& I WANT TO WATCH MY KUNGFU PANDA!
i've been announcing it for the past few blog entries,
till now i still havent watch it!!!! ): ):
i should have just gone with my cousin to watch it when she asked,
i'm like stupid please,
just cos i thought i will be watching with someone,
who is never enthusiastic in meeting me.
i'm regretting alot of things,
should have watched movie with fang,
should have tanned with batmaine,
wth,
what is wrong with me,
why did i not agree in the first place,
now i'm stuck at home rotting,
i feel like banging my head against the wall & die.
where is all the love i need?
be it friends/bgr/family?
i don't feel a single bit of it right now.
i think i made it this way myself,
cos i'm like so stupid to have other plans in mind at first,
& not go out with people who asked me out.
i'm like so stupid.
someone please knock some sense into me.
omfg,
i feel so emo right now,
& i hate emo people,
like wth,
i hate myself.
i hate the ruohan i'm right now,
i want back the old me,
the me who treasures friendship so god damn much,
who always have friends caring for me,
& accompany me go out,
i miss the ruohan who used to stayover at her friend's house in secondary school,
who used to go shopping with her friends everyday.
i finally understood how my friends felt when i got into a relationship,
i gradually just drifted away from them.
cos now that i'm already drifted away from some,
the others who are attached now are drifting away from me.
love isn't that wonderful as i thought it will be in the past.
last time i used to imagine love to be totally romantic,
with a guy always by my side loving and caring for me,
he will be there to share my ups and downs with me.
when i need him he will always be there,
i don't have to like find all means to contact him,
he is always contactable for me.
he will just listen to my complaints of things when i'm feeling down or angry towards certain stuff,
instead of telling me i'm totally exaggerating or totally wrong,
something so small, i can be so affected by it,
then he just don't care at all.
he will plan enjoyable dates,
he will plan surprises for me,
anniversaries and valentines' days are always important,
will always be celebrated.
i used to have these in the past,
with one of my ex,
but things just didn't work out for us in the end,
& the love just changed,
in the end,
i just don't love him anymore,
cos i realized we're not really suitable afterall,
no matter how good he treats me.
so i hurt him badly.
perhaps god wanted to punish me for being such a heartbreaker,
cos he gave me a totally opposite relationship next.
all the wonderful thoughts i have about relationship all along just don't make sense anymore with this relationship.
i can't take it anymore,
i need to pour it all out,
or else i will kill myself.
so people who thinks i'm exaggerating, or i'm a bitch,
don't read what i write below,
especially you,
the one i'm writing about.
he is always uncontactable,
i can flood his hp with smses and calls,
but i don't receive any reply until hours later.
he said it is cos his phone is not working anymore,
but when his phone is working,
i don't see fast replies at all either.
when i needed someone when i'm sad or angry,
he just thinks that i'm exaggerating,
or i think too much,
or i'm in the wrong.
although sometimes i maybe,
but i would really appreciate if he just pretend that i'm right and listen to my complaints for that moment,
& explain to me where i'm wrong when i'm feeling better.
he don't find a need to meet up much,
one week once or rarely twice enough already.
he can't feel what i want,
i don't like to voice out,
but sometimes i really need to voice out what i want,
then he will do it,
or he will just reject and said it's like totally not needed.
when he did it cos i voiced out,
in the end he will just be back to square one,
he don't change at all,
or should i said he just changed for a moment.
he don't find anniversaries important at all,
spending money on presents every month is a waste of money to him,
sometimes he don't even find a need to meet up or even wish each other on anniversaries.
he don't like going shopping,
he don't like spending money on movies he thinks are not worth it,
must-watch movies must be rated 4/5 in yahoo,
3/5 will be a must-not-watch to him,
& i love shopping and watching movies at cinema..
so in the end, when we meet up, we don't go anywhere at all.
our usual hangout will be near his house or near my house,
that's it.
although we managed to find things we love to do near our houses,
like sitting in starbucks or coffeebean drinking coffee for hours,
but i would really loved something more than that.
nevertheless,
i don't know why,
i will just not mind,
& always ask to meet.
i don't understand why,
when everything in this relationship is not right,
i still love him,
& miss him.
& i often cry for him,
a few times every week.
this makes no sense at all,
i really wish someone can give me an explanation for why i still love him so much,
cos i can't figure it out at all.
& i just asked whether want meet or not,
in the end found out he is out with his friend.
i feel like crying again.
look at the me now,
stuck at home rotting,
pathetic.
why am i so pathetic?
don't feel like replying tags,
totally in a BAD MOOD.
i know i'm a bitch,
kill me please.
yours truly ;